There was a tiny voice in the back of Sam's head that told him he should be suspicious. This tiny voice was quickly cornered, dragged into a bathroom and given a swirlie and a wedgie by the other head-voices, because really-- Bumblebee was his guardian and one of his best friends.
Still, it was weird. But, hey, Bumblebee was a giant alien robot who probably had all kinds of different and unfathomable thoughts and curiosities. He probably thought some of the things humans did were pretty damn weird too, so it had to work out.
Which was how he wound up at a drive-in with not one but two hot chicks for a Valentine's Day double feature. Okay, one was a very convincing hologram, courtesy Bumblebee's newly-repaired projector. Sam reclined on the Camaro's warm hood, a bucket of greasy popcorn wedged between himself and Mikaela on the right, and a disturbingly appealing blonde draped against his left side. He couldn't feel a thing from "her", of course. It was just light and some kind of space-robot hoodoo that, despite being explained in the smallest possible words, he still didn't understand.
"You don't think it's... I dunno..." Sam muttered to Mikaela as they were procuring snacks between flicks. He gestured with a bag of M&Ms back across the sea of parked cars, towards where Bumblebee and his curvaceous avatar waited. "...weird?"
"Weird how?" Mikaela shrugged, spearing her drink's lid with a straw. "It's just a way for him to interact with us without being a talking car."
"Him, that's just it. Why a girl in a baby tee and short-shorts?"
"Why not?" Mikaela tossed her hair and rolled her eyes in that time-honored 'my boyfriend is being lovably idiotic' manner and towed him back toward their spot. "Ratchet explained this already. They don't have gender so it really doesn't matter."
"You are so much hotter than she is, though," he hastily assured her, just in case this was a test. "You know, I wasn't looking or anything but--"
"You're adorable, Sam, but maybe you should stop talking."
So Sam shut up and managed to get through the forgettable rom-com Hugh Grant affair, made enjoyable by snarky commentary and the occasional question for clarification from the hologram regarding the ridiculous human courtship maneuvers onscreen. And when Trent DeMarco sauntered by and saw him on the hood of a smoking hot car with two hot chicks, well, Sam could die with a smile on his face now.
After that, Bumblebee rarely used the blonde-chick hologram. It would show up maybe once every couple weeks, when the disguised car had need of a driver and neither Sam nor Mikaela were available, or Sam needed to hold a conversation with Bumblebee in public without looking like a mental case. It was often enough, however, for Miles to spot the blonde apparition one day and later ask Sam if that meant Mikaela was available now.
Sam just did his best to not look to hard at "her" whenever Bumblebee used the projector. Non-gendered or whatever, Sam just couldn't think of his friend as a she, let alone an it. But still-- alien robots. Weird alien robot cultural differences. Sam could be tolerant and accepting for the sake of interspecies cooperation.
The hologram was the furthest from his mind on the early April day the odd transmission came in. Epps was on hand to help Maggie and Glen with the task of deciphering it, both to see if it was Autobot or Decepticon or other, and to test out the human-appropriate interface to the complex systems of Teletraan-1. Sam, and Captain Lennox who was unlucky enough to be present at the time, were reduced to coffee and smoothie gophers while the geek contingent and Ratchet fought with encryptions and crystals and circuit boards. Mikaela was halfway across the state visiting with her dad, so Sam couldn't even excuse himself on the pretense (yes, we'll call it pretense) of making out with her in one of the guest quarters on base.
"Reverse the polarity," Lennox blandly suggested to the room at large. "I saw them do it on Stargate last night."
Sam suddenly found latte in his sinus cavity, the geeks gave him a Look, while Ratchet simply appeared to be contemplating just how much he could get away with without violating their we-do-not-harm-humans rule.
"Doesn't quite work that way, Captain," purred a vaguely familiar voice just behind Sam's left shoulder. "And besides, Stargate's just not as much fun in reruns."
A quick glance told Sam that Bumblebee's blonde bombshell was back in action, and a flash of yellow from outside the control room doors gave away the actual robot's location. "Bee, come on, you don't have to use that thing in here," he pleaded, hiding an eyeroll by taking another sip from his Starbucks.
"Oh, I dunno, Sam, she's kinda easy on the..." Lennox petered off, peering at the figure over Sam's shoulder, and slowly grinned, turned away, and ambled over to lean against the console Epps was working on. "Eh-hrrm. Right."
Epps glanced up and suddenly looked as if he was trying very hard to swallow his own face in an effort not to laugh. Glen and Maggie looked up as well, the former's eyes goggling. Sam raised an eyebrow.
"So." Maggie's tone was sweetness itself. "When's the blessed event?"
"What--"
The lightbulb finally turned on. Sam whirled to confront the holographic image and abruptly realized that he had been so busy keeping his eyes above "her" collarbones that he had neglected to pay attention to what was happening to "her" waistline.
Bumblebee's young, hot, blonde and busty hologram gave every indication of being about nine months pregnant. Its face dimpled cutely at him before the whole image dissolved in a twinkling of light.
Bumblebee's ancient, metal, yellow and black robot self leaned around the door frame. "April Fool's."
"--BUMBLEBEE!"